I am woman hear me RAWR

Before

After...and still smiling

I did it.  I set a goal and achieved it..oh and I completed my first 10K! Granted this happened about 2 weeks ago, but it still feels damn good.  One of the greatest highlights of the day was that I was able to do it with a bffpls (best friends forever practically like sister...I learned this one from the 11 year old girl I babysit for). Of course race day decided to be a freakishly warm October day. The heat was almost unbearable, and the salt on my forehead could have seasoned a packet of french fries.  I decided to wear my fuel belt (a belt that holds water bottles for instant hydration) and I was flippin' happy I did. Every time I thought I was going to keel over, I took a sip from one of the bottles and made it a bit further. The water was warm and having something wrapped around my waist probably accentuated my chubby belly...but I was moving. I even managed to do it all without music (because I left my headphone in Lyla's stroller).  I finished in 1:05 which put me in 2,752 place. Okay it doesn't sound great at all, but considering there were 7,500 women (and men) running- that is pretty darn okay in my book.

Here is the issue...I haven't done a thing since. Fail. So back on the wagon I go.  I have signed up for our town's local Turkey Trot on November 25th and I am keeping a journal for the next 105 days.  What is the the significance of 105 days?  Well that is how many days it will be until I turn 30! It is amazing how many thing have happened in just one single year.  We have been blessed with the birth of our daughter Lyla, I left my job, and now I am beginning to explore pursuing a new career (which means that I could eventually go back to school...yikes). I look at the whole picture and I am instantly stressed out...but I am excited about the journey.  I feel like I am redecorating my life and aligning my goals to who I am today and not to the girl I was when I first graduated college. It is not going to be easy, but it is doable. I just have to keep reminding myself that when things fall into place...I will be happier person doing what I want to do in life.  I am so lucky and blessed to have a husband, family, and friends who are all supportive.  They all keep me motivated! 

My mantra: (courtesy of Santa Claus is coming to town)

If you want to change your direction
If your time of life is at hand
Well don’t be the rule be the exception
A good way to start is to stand

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Remembering September

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Gee golly this month has gone by so quickly...it is hard to believe that Saturday will be October 1st!  September has always been one of my all time favorite months. A gold star in my book. This month receives its accolade for a number of reasons.  It is the teaser to that wonderful fall crisp air,  it is the month that Garrett proposed to me (in an apple orchard), and "picking" is in full effect.  

Taken right after he proposed in 2008

Pick apples, pick pears, pick pumpkins....oh how I am in heaven.  Every year when September rolls around I am in full force "orchard mode." Garrett used to be dumbfounded that I could be so happy picking fruit off of trees. I couldn't think of a better way to spend a beautiful day! I love moseying around rolling hills of hundreds of trees, breathing in fresh air, and searching for the best apples hidden amongst the branches (while stuffing my face at the same time).  I will admit I always end up eating at least 6 apples in 2 hours... if I were anywhere else other than an orchard I would be appalled.  We have been going to the same orchard for about 3 years now.  The Bean (a.k.a Lyla) has been there twice and she is only 7 months old.

Me and the Bean at the orchard 2010 :)

As soon as the orchard opened this month we were there! I couldn't wait to take Lyla apple picking.  It is a lot harder picking apples when you have an extra 20lbs strapped to the front of you...but it made me feel better about eating the 6 apples (and cider donuts).

Apple fun 2011

The first apple picked and the first bite!

Lyla's first taste!

 
I usually reserve pumpkin picking for October. It makes sense, right?  We have, however, already attempted our first corn maze with her. 

Totally lost

Needless to say we ultimately ended up sneaking to the finish, because a hungry baby needs food! Well... Mommy and Daddy were hungry too :)  We are determined to make it to the finish (legitimately) one day. I will miss you September, but I will see you again next year!

Finally Friday: Confessions

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There is always a sense of predictability when dealing with a conversation between two mothers.  The number one question that always slips its way into conversation is, "Is she/he sleeping through the night?" In most cases, the mother eager to ask this question is the one with the sleeping baby.  Go figure.

Last week my girlfriend and I were playing catch up over the phone. We are both currently stay at home moms and our kids are only a few months apart in age.  After a few good laughs we somehow land on the subject of sleep...or lack thereof.  She reveals to me that her son has had trouble sleeping through the night, and that the sleepless nights are starting to take a toll on her.  I sense her waiting for my reaction and I chime in immediately, "Don't worry, Lyla doesn't sleep through the night either so we are on the same page."  Instantly I feel a huge sense of relief from the other side of the phone. It was almost comparable to when someone holds their breath waiting for something and then lets it all out at once.  "Really?" she asks.  "Yup" I say candidly.  "You thought I was going to rub it in that Lyla sleeps through the night...weren't you?" I ask.  "Gosh, if I have to listen to one more mother tell me how well their child sleeps through the night..." she replies.  "Tell me about it." I say.

Some mothers just don't get it.  A mother who has a child that doesn't sleep well through the night doesn't want to sit and listen to you talk about how your child sleeps a peaceful twelve hours.  We get the point. Sleep is great.  It is much better when your eyes are shut.

Then there is a mother's guilt. I actually used to feel bad admitting to other mothers that Lyla wasn't sleeping well.  I kept on thinking that maybe I was doing something wrong.  Maybe it was because every reaction I received was along the lines of "Oh, well maybe in another month or so" or "Susie Sunshine has been sleeping ten hours straight ever since she was born."  Better yet I would get the look.  You know, the "I feel sorry for you" look.  No wonder I thought I was doing something wrong! Thank goodness for my pediatrician, who assured me that this was normal, and thank goodness for the internet. I found a feeling of peace in reviewing online conversational boards between other moms dealing with the same situation...and I learned to cope.  Sometimes you have to remind yourself that every baby is different and each goes at their own pace. And that's okay.

So for now, a little extra coffee each day and a lot of laughter helps make each night a bit easier. Holding Lyla in my arms each night or kissing her forehead when she falls back asleep...and it is all worth it.

A Hot Mess

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The other day I had a moment...an awakening of sorts.  Maybe it was because my hair was still damp from showering or maybe it was because I was wearing a yoga pants, a t-shirt, and flip flops (which is a common outfit for any given day). Nonetheless this moment decided to make its debut while "passing time" in TJ Maxx with my little Lyla.

Strolling through the entrance my first instinct is to always make my way to the red signs in the back...the good ol' clearance section. I always get so damn giddy when I see those clearance racks. Just call me the ultra Maxxinista. Sure, you really have to sift through countless tranny shirts and moo moo's, but in the end you may find a thing or two worth purchasing. I ended up a with couple of cardigans.  Score! No dressing room needed (and when I have Lyla in tote this is uber convenient). So, I scoped out a distant mirror and wheeled us over to a small nook away from the crowds of women digging through last season's left overs. I started to try on one of the cardigans over my t-shirt, and positioned myself in front of the long mirror. There I was...in all my glory. Then it hit me.

Who the hell was this person staring at me in the mirror?  I looked like I had just rolled out of bed, neglected to drink coffee, and had a bucket of water thrown in my face. I was a hot mess.  Suddenly I was embarrassed that I was even in public at all.  What was I thinking?  I totally understand that having a child changes things...but this...this was too much.  I was supposed to be "Bringing Sexy Back" and here I was looking like a deranged yoga instructor.  I took the cardigan off and made my way towards the exit.

I was cowering behind the shopping cart, hoping that Lyla's carrier would shield anyone from getting a good look at me.  One aisle after the other I began to notice other mothers with their children. They looked beautiful.  Dressed nicely (jeans).  Hair styled.  Make-up on.  Of course their kids were much older, but <sigh> it made me jealous.  I miss my old jeans.  I am sick of these "tweener" jeans.  The jeans you buy because you don't fit in your old ones.  Will I ever get back into the 10 pair I have hanging in my closest?  It's almost been 7 months! I have to do something about this.

I am good at setting goals for myself that always seem to fall through the cracks.  My hair and make- up...well that is an easy fix.  Getting out of yoga pants...I need dedication.  I want to be committed. So I signed myself up for the Tufts Health Plan 10K on October 10th.  It's a start.  6.2 miles is doable.  It is a long enough distance where I can get a good burn and have some time to myself. Just me and the road.  A time to listen to some good tunes and enjoy the cool fall air (although technically it is still summer).  Garrett's hours have been all over the place (sometimes not getting home until 9 PM) so I have been heading to my mother's apartment so she can watch Lyla while I head out for a run.  I have also been thinking about purchasing a used jogger but, for now, I am enjoying the solitude. I am (slowly) turning this hot mess into a hot mom.

Operation HM...I am back.  Take 2. Or is this 3?

Finally Friday: EMERGENCY

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Yesterday was our very first trip to the ER with Lyla....yes she is only 6 and half months old and already has had a trip to the ER.  I feel like a terrible mother.  Luckily it was an easy fix and she is blowing bubbles at me as we speak (err as you read).  She had "nursemaid's elbow"...silly sounding, I know.  Nursemaid's elbow is when the bone called the radius is pulled slightly "out of joint."  It happens to children up to the age of five and is mostly commonly seen in children who are beginning to walk. The reason for this is because children learning to walk are typically holding someone's hands with outstretched arms.  A small hiccup, like the child tripping, can jerk the arm and pop the bone out of place.

Well, I was sitting with Lyla with her arms outstretched and she quickly jerked and twisted her arm.  As soon as this happened I heard a loud POP...and I knew something was not right.  She cried initially and then started to settle down.  I could feel my heart sinking because I thought I had just broken her wee arm.  I slowly touched the arm (her left) and she would whine and cringe.  How could I tell if it was broken?  My first bright idea...Google it.  Everything I read said to err on the side of caution, so my next move was to call Daddy.  He told me to see if she would reach out for an object in front of or above her.  So I placed her favorite dolly in front of her and watched as she slowly began to reach for her..it looked promising until she began to whimper.  I then tried to put the dolly above her and received the same reaction.  Soon she just refrained from using it at all.  Poor bugger.

So, I called her doctor (of course it was after 5 PM) and the on call service told me to take her into the ER. I had a huge pit in my stomach.  The only thing in my mind was an image of her in a little cast...and that it was my fault.  I know accidents happen, but it really stinks when your child gets hurt when they are in your care.  As a mother, I am supposed to protect and care for her...not break the poor girl's arm. So off we went.

We arrived at the ER a little after 6 PM and we were out by 7 PM.  Pretty darn fast.  She was pretty chipper for a baby that was hurt.  I could even get her to giggle. When the doctor came in he told us that he wasn't going to do an x-ray because he was sure that it was "nursemaid's elbow."  He reached for her arm and did his magic. The worst part was hearing her little cry as he set her elbow back into place.  After settling down she was using her arm in no time. The doc said that it could happen again in the future and that I could easily pop it back into place for her....ummmm no thank you.  I am no Doogie Howser.  So what's next? For the next few weeks we have to be careful...no free standing with her arms out. 

As a parent I am learning new things every day. It's not always ideal to learn the hard way, but hey that's life.  I have never heard of the term "nursemaid's elbow" and would have never known what it meant if this incident didn't happen.  I hope maybe I can give another parent a little peace if a similar situation happens to them.  Remember, don't always assume the worst (although I know that can be hard) and accidents do happen!

Shiit......ake

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Let's face it, sometimes it feels pretty darn good to throw out a few F bombs.  When you start mixing your own children into the equation, however, you try to be more conscience of what comes out of your mouth.  Of course this doesn't mean that your little "angel" won't pick up a few naughty words from the neighborhood delinquent, but this never stops a parent from trying to keep it clean.

Having a little girl who is 6 months old, I find myself trying to censor what comes out of my (and Daddy's) mouth.  So here are five alternate words we have come up with. Not saying that these are better than the actual swear word itself, but hey at least we are trying to be creative:


1) Mitch:  I am sure one day it will confuse Lyla who this "Mitch" person is.
2) Shiitake... Mushrooms:  Mommy sure does enjoy eating her fungi.
3) Son of a Motherless Goat:  A classic insult from the 1986 movie Three Amigos.
4) Bung Hole: Pirate slang that refers to a hole in a wooden barrel.  Betcha didn't know that one!
5) Mother Frogger: Sounds like a character in a kid's book.

I would love to hear what other kid friendly swear words are out there.  Post a comment and share!

Finally Friday: Milk Jugs

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A look inside a "mommy moment" and my thought process thereafter:

Yesterday my mother and I were creating a homemade batch of pureed nectarines for Lyla.  Included in our batch we added some of "mommy's milk" (a cuter way of referring to breast milk).  When the batch was completed my mother prompted me to "taste it."  I gave her a nauseating look.  "It came from you...so why the disgusted look?" she asked.  Good question.  Why can breast milk be so taboo?

Most, if not all,  health professionals are huge advocates of breast feeding due to the many nutrients and antibodies that a mother's milk carries.  It is even recommended that babies are exclusively breast fed for at least the first 6 months of life (according to the American Academy of Pediatrics).  So how is it that something so natural and pure be outright disgusting to the average adult? Maybe this question seems childish, but hear me out.  Americans consume billions of gallons of cow's milk each year...without every really thinking about where it comes from. Just like humans, cows produce milk to nurture their young.  So why is it that if you were to put a cup of my own breast milk in front of me and a cup of cow's milk...I would choose to drink the cow's milk?  

So I gave it a quick stir and opened my mouth (approaching the situation much like when I feed my own daughter) and tasted the pureed nectarines. Yes, I actually swallowed it.  It tasted pretty good.

Bestfriends Rub Popsicles

Two girls bundled in snowsuits sitting on top of a hill.  One looks at the other and says "I just peed in my pants because I had to go to the bathroom."  "You did?" says the other.  "I have to go to the bathroom too" she continues.  "Well," replies the girl, "You should pee in your snow pants too, because it makes you warm." "Okay," the other girl says.

For a five year old, I had some pretty convincing tactics...don't ya think?  Yes, I was the girl who initially peed in her snow pants.  I can pretty much remember my logic for doing it too.  I was so bundled up (thanks mom) that I was convinced that by the time I made it to a bathroom and undressed...I would have peed in my pants anyways.  So why not just "own the moment" and enjoy the relief.  Convincing my best friend to join me was just an added bonus.

Most everyone had (and probably still has) a 'bestie' (or multiple 'besties').  Someone to share your secrets with, someone you have inside jokes with, and someone who is there for you through it all.  I recently came across an old article in the  New York Times that questioned whether or not parents should allow their children to have a 'best friend'.  I immediately thought..."What kind of psychological doo doo did someone come up with to spark this debate?" It seems that discouraging best friendships amongst children, "... is meant to head off bullying and other extreme consequences of social exclusion."... Lame. While I can understand how bullying is an issue amongst some children, I can hardly believe that 'best friends' are at the heart of the matter.

Some of the best memories from my childhood are those that I share with the lovely blonde gal pictured above...Bernadette.  Bernadette and I spent the majority of our childhood years together.  We played together. We had a million sleepovers together.  We even shared half a heart to a 'best friend necklace' (err many best friend necklaces).  We met each other at the wee age of three years old and (as our mothers put it) became inseparable. We were together so much so, that even our families blended in with one another.   From Cabbage Patch Kid dolls to Barbies to listening to Madonna to wearing Abercrombie and Fitch... we grew older.

There are so many memories that we share from our childhood, and it is still fun to reminisce about the ones we both cherish.  I taught Bernadette how to say, "I want something from you" in Arabic. She threw me on a horse [bare back] to teach me how to ride for the first time. We always played "heart & soul" on her piano together.  We made up countless dance routines...our favorite was to Madonna's Like a Prayer (which we still both remember). When we ate popsicles in the summer time we would rub them together so that we could each taste the other one's flavor. Memories, like these, are a distinct part of my past and I couldn't imagine myself without them. To this very day we share a bond that resembles sisters. Bernadette is even expecting her first child in November! It is wonderful to share life's milestones with such a close friend.

Sure, maybe 'best friends' can lead to kids being clicky. It may even incite kids to gang up on one another...but kids are kids.  As parents, you can only hope that you raise your kids to do right. I am excited for the day where Lyla tells us that she has a "best friend."  That will be much better than the day she tells us she has a "boyfriend."

6 months old and 6 months in

Today my beautiful baby girl is 6 months old.  Like any parent would say...time sure does move quickly.  While Lyla has grown a tremendous amount in these past months, so have I.  I have learned a lot about parenthood and a lot about myself.  It is funny how in the course of a year how much your life can truly change.  So in celebration of her (and my) 6 month marker, I have created a list of the top things I  have learned about becoming a mommy. 

20) Worrying is part of the gig.  I always criticized my mother for worrying too much, and now I know why she did (and still does) it.
19) Getting your hair pulled is no longer kinky.
18) Strangers with dirty hands (and long fingernails) touching your baby is not cool.
17) I have more upper body strength than I have ever had.  No weights needed...lugging a meaty baby in a carrier is better than any set of dumbbells.
16) Buying baby clothes is just like coffee in the morning...I just can't say 'no.'
15)  Thank goodness for digital cameras.  I can only imagine how many countless (and some not so great) prints I would have already.
14) High heels become the forgotten shoe.
13) I am pretty darn good at making up songs on the spot.
12) Showering alone is a rarity. Garrett just wishes it was with him.
11) Sharing favorite songs and books with Lyla are some of my most cherished moments. My favorites books are the Runaway Bunny and The Monster At The End Of This Book.
10) Poop is an extraordinary excrement.  I like it better when it stays inside the diaper.
9) Having family near by is truly a blessing.  It also makes for some great entertainment.
8) Making time for myself.  This doesn't mean I am selfish. I am a mommy, but I am also Caroline. I can't forget that.
7) Making time to do things with my hubby.  Date nights and "alone time" are still in order after having a baby.  Sex isn't just for making babies!
6) Set realistic goals. 20 lbs in 12 weeks...not realistic for a mommy like myself.  Set smaller and more achievable goals so I feel good about accomplishing them. (I am happy to report that I am 5 lbs away from my pre-baby weight). 
5) Watching Garrett with Lyla always makes me smile.
4) The moments where Lyla reaches for me, smiles at me, or laughs with me...make my heart melt.
3) I have learned to laugh with life.  Things are not always going to be easy, but a little laughter really does go a long way.
2) Sacrifice is something I will always be willing to do if it involves my daughter. This also goes hand in hand with: the day I get a new job and go back to work is really going to suck.
1) I truly understand what "a mother's love" means.

I am looking forward to what will be in store for us during the next 6 months.  The small moments in life are what truly make each day a lovely day.   {Cue song, "Lovely Day" by Bill Withers}.

When I grow up I want to be...oh wait is it too late for that?

After having Lyla I made a bold decision to leave my job.  It was one of the hardest descisions I ever had to make.  My biggest fear was the uncertainty of it all....financially (of course) and what this would mean for my career path down the road.  I knew I had to take a chance though.  Mostly because my job was not your average 9-5 and that would mean more time at the office and less time with my daughter.  I couldn't make that kind of sacrifice, and I am so happy that I didn't.  You can never rewind time, and I am thankful for every minute I have with my daughter.  Even if the uncertainty is still a bit scary.

Now I am in the process of figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life. One of the greatest things that not having a job has done for me is I have been really forced to review my career path. For a long time I have had that irking feeling that my college degree was a mistake and have been suffering with the whole "had I known then what I know now..." Alas we can not rewind time. Now that I am on the verge of 30 I constantly go back and forth in mind about tackling a career change. There are so many things to consider: Do I pile additional debt on top of my (ridiculous) existing student loans? Am I too old? Is this the right time?  There are too many things to consider, especially in this economy.  Not to mention that even if I did make a career change, it wouldn't guarantee me a job afterward.  Damn.


I found myself retreating from it all: job searching on the internet and applying for ho hum jobs that I wasn't even excited about.  This caused a showdown between me and my husband.  "What is important to you?" he kept repeating. I had been asking myself that same very question.  When I was in my college years I had always imagined myself as a career woman who would make her way up the corporate ladder.  That image is still burned in my brain.  Was I stuck on this because it was a goal that I never achieved?  Or was this something that I really wanted? Or was I just stuck on the money aspect?  Ahhhhhh. So we sat down and made a list.  A list of all the things that are important to me in life.... and it kept coming down to one key thing: happiness.  I need to do what is going to make me happy. How can an idea that seems so simple be so complicated in so many ways?

There was a quote that I recently came across that I liked, "Remember that happiness is a way of travel — not a destination."  I'm packing my bags (well metaphorically speaking).

Listening to the "Oldies"

It's funny how the term "the oldies" changes as we reach each generation.  I think I was most struck by this when listening to the radio with my kid sis (who is 16) and started to quiz her on various artists playing on the radio. I was appalled when she could not identify Aerosmith and Mighty Mighty Bosstones. I know! Right?? (For those of you that know her...be nice).  Of course, I told this to Garrett who shared that, as a teacher, he would often catch kids wearing Bob Marley t-shirts without really knowing who he actually was.  I mean c'mon that is just pure absurd. What is happening out there?? 

Having a daughter I am realizing how attached I am to the things of my past.  Born in 1982 I grew up with some of the most fantastic cartoons, movies, tv shows, toys, music, and just good ol' neighborhood fun.  Right now I am on a Walt Disney kick.  For those of you with me on age...we grew up with the top Disney movies of all time. My favs....The Little Mermaid (1989)....Aladdin (1992)....The Lion King (1994). 

I have been abusing YouTube, playing some of my favorite songs over and over again for Lyla.  It is funny how I still remember <practically> all the words.  I attribute my stellar memory to the fact that I distinctively remember hitting "rewind" on our VHS after each song, and replaying it until I memorized the whole song.  Yeh...you know you did that too.  I can also think back and remember singing these songs a hundred times over as a kid.  I know that I practically had my own rendition of "Part of Your World" from The Little Mermaid, since I am pretty sure that I belted out this song over 100 times on it's own.  One memory I have is performing this song with my cousin Mich Mich at her house in Buffalo, NY in front of our families (because everything is better with an audience when you are a kid). Ohhh to be a kid.  I must purchase these three movies at some point so that Lyla can cherish them as much as I do.

I am convinced that growing up in the era we did was simply- the best.  We had The Smurfs, The Snorks, Transformers, My Little Ponies, Rainbow Brite, Jem, Fraggle Rock, The Muppets (and The Muppet Babies), G.I. Joe, Heman, Shira, and the classic Sesame Street (to name a few).  I know I have had this conversation with plenty of people before, and each time we always end up with the same idea. We want  all of the classic shows from our childhood on DVD so that our kids can grow up watching them instead of the ones on television today (or at least in addition to).  I have taken a peak at some of the kid shows/cartoons on today and all I can ever think to myself is "it's just not the same." Maybe it's because I am not a kid anymore...but mostly I think it is because things are just over done now.  I know that as time goes by we evolve (and so does technology), but it just doesn't seem right to see a cartoon done in Pixar Animation or to watch animated kids using cell phones.  I guess you can call me "old fashion".... weird.

20 lbs...12 weeks or bust

So it has been quite a while since I last posted to Mommy=Me.  I would like to tell you that I was secluded on a tropical island with no access to the internet or that my computer broke...but neither are true.  Instead I will tell you something that I have learned in these past couple of months of becoming Mommy...sometimes Mommy just doesn't feel like it.  This pertains to a lot of things...cleaning, cooking, exercising, sex. This may sound extremely lazy to some of you, but for those of you out there with kids....you know what I am talking about.  Being home with Lyla you would think that I have plenty of time to juggle multiple things.  The truth of the matter is that I wake up, go through my usually routines (which always includes flip flopping between Regis & Kelly & Ellen at 9am) and then before I know it...it is almost noon.  Where the heck time goes, I have no idea.  So sometimes things don't get done.  Notice how I have been putting sometimes in bold and italicized...I don't want you to get the idea that I am a terrible wife :)

So where does this all leave project Hot Mom you may be asking?  Well I am happy to report that I have been back on the exercising wagon. I have even started my cardio kick-boxing classes!  The only bad news is that I have only lost 1 lb.  Disappointing, yes...shocking, no. Let's just say that that the 1 lb loss may have something to do with only sometimes feeling like exercising :)  So clearly something has to change.  This couldn't have been more apparent then when I had to make a trip to Old Navy to purchase "in between clothes." I haven't fit in my regular clothes for months now and wearing baggy maternity clothes just makes me feel worse about myself, so I opted to buy a few things to make me feel and look half way decent. Being in the dressing room and staring in that mirror was a slap to the face. I need a change but I also need a nudge. So I have decided to challenge myself. If I want to feel good about myself, especially during these upcoming summer months, then I really need to push myself.  So here it is... 20 lbs in 12 weeks.  Why 12 weeks?  In roughly 12 weeks I will be celebrating my 2 year wedding anniversary.  To achieve a 20 lb weight loss in 12 weeks I will have to lose approximately 1.6 lbs per week.  That is most certainly going to be tough... but go big or go home, right? I figure if I can share my progress (or lack thereof) with you all then it will make me accountable. I also hope that if you are like me, and have some extra pounds you want to lose, my posts may help motivate you too. Feel free to post comments! So here is what I have determined:


1) I must consume roughly 1300 calories per day. To be sure that I stick to this I am going to use a calorie counter website.  Two I recommend are: http://caloriecount.about.com/ and http://www.sparkpeople.com/ . I personally use the calories counter on about.com (my goal is to be more consistent with this in the next 12 weeks).


2) I will need to exercise for at least 1 hour per day/ for a minimum of 5 days per week. During this time my heart rate has to be in my target zone  of 132-150 for the full hour.  To make sure I achieve this I will be using (and dusting off) my heart rate monitor.  I am thinking that since the weather is getting to be a lot warmer that I will go running for part of my work-out.  The other part of my work out will involve a video that incorporates using weights.  Also for the next 7 weeks I attend kick-boxing class on Tuesdays and Thursdays for 1 hour.

3) I will eat healthier...this means cutting out chocolate and candy all together. Although indulging in a little ice cream every once in a while is allowed...come on now....I have to have one little cheat!

3) I promise to only weigh myself once per week on Fridays and will share my weight loss for the week as part of my blog post.


So here we go!

Bringing 'Sex'y Back

Before you get hesitant to read on, please know that today's post is not and I repeat not about Garrett's and my sex life (sickos).  Today's topic is inspired by a conversation I had with one of best friends who came to visit me a couple days ago (thanks Coll).  I really wanted to bring to light a topic that can be considered taboo to discuss- sex and sexiness (although you wouldn't think it with all the reality shows on tv now).  And what is with the picture above?  That is the last time I probably felt pretty darn good about myself (as you can tell by my attempted model pose).  As for the actual act of having sex...don't worry this post isn't about giving you a tutorial on how babies are made. Instead I am just choosing to open a dialogue about sex during and post pregnancy.

Everyone's experiences regarding sex during and post pregnancy are different, but I think it is pretty safe to assume that most woman generally feel the same emotional ups and downs. Ironically the movie Knocked Up was on yesterday which got me laughing. Remember the scene where Seth Rogen's character Ben is having sex with his pregnant girlfriend Alison?  Well if not... then the gist of it is they have to stop because Ben is too concerned about poking the baby with his penis (which is of course impossible) and Alison feels uncomfortable with her new baby body. How true this phenomenon is!  Many men feel like they will hurt the baby some way during sex (and I'm sorry but any man that is that confident in the size of their member needs a reality check). Some men may also feel uncomfortable because there is now someone literally present during all the action.  Both notions crack me up. The bottom line is that these feeling puts a major damper on the mood and it certainly contributes to making a woman feel unattractive during pregnancy.  It is bad enough that being pregnant can make you feel like an elephant, but it is even worse that you get penalized for being with child.  Luckily, most couples find a way to make it work so that both parties can be pleased...because after all it is a whole 10 months of being pregnant.

Then the day comes when you finally have your bundle of joy.  It is the day you have waited so long for and the happiest time in your life....but there is a catch.  Although you are beaming with joy on the outside, behind the curtains you are left in less than perfect condition.  After delivery your stomach is flub, you may have stretch marks, you probably received stitches, and you are instructed to basically wear a diaper for the next month of your life.  For the first few days you are on cloud nine so all those things just seem to be minor details, but as time goes on it can begin to wear on you. Most women are instructed to refrain from any physical activity for 4-6 weeks which includes getting your groove on.  This time frame is usually long enough to help rid of some of these issues, but after one month of getting adjusted to parenthood (and still not being able to fit in your jeans) you may still feel all but sexy.  Can you a blame a woman?  To add to all of this, you now have a little one in the mix which means that when/where you have sex is based around their schedule. Talk about complicated! So how can you bring the spice back in your life?  This is something that has been on top of mind since my 4 week mark is today!

Feeling sexy again for me starts on working from the outside in.  For starters, I am getting myself back on an exercise regimen...hence operation Hot Mom. Today I will start the journey towards my physical transformation so that I can feel more like me again and boost my confidence.  Garrett always points out to me that I tend to prance around the house in my underwear a whole lot more when I am on some sort of exercise routine (sadly he is right).  When I exercise I feel good about myself and I am not afraid to show it.  Since we are on a tight budget, I will not be purchasing a gym membership at this time. So today I will dust off my Jillian Michaels DVDs and try to shred off some of this baby weight.  Jillian promises to see as much as a 5 pound loss in a week, but I am not being THAT optimistic.  Let's see if her work-out routine really works! I also decided that I am going to take an 8 week kick boxing class that starts at the end of April. Let the transformation begin!    Today I am roughly 22 pounds away from my goal weight (which is what I weighed in my hay day during my college years).

I am also a firm believer in pampering yourself.  Little things like getting my nails done, waxing, and getting my haircut/colored are sure ways to help me relax and make me feel pretty. I have already scheduled a manicure/pedicure for Saturday to help me unwind from being cooped up for so long.I wonder what OPI color I will choose....maybe Dutch Tulips since it is Spring :)

I know all these things will help me feel better but, of course, it isn't just all about me.  Feeling sexy (and having great sex) is also about having that passionate connection with your loved one. I can tell you that having a child as brought Garrett and I much closer together.  Our biggest challenge will be making time to have alone time together (especially since Garrett is in baseball season).  Our first date night is going to be this Saturday...a night out to dinner with just the two of us.  We aren't going far from home, but the point is that we are actually getting out for some alone time. Hey it's a start.  I know that as Lyla gets a bit older (and on more of schedule) things will get easier.  Cheers to a new phase of mommyhood!







 

Hurray For Grandmothers

Okay let me start off by saying that the brownie recipe from Barefoot Contessa that I posted in my last blog is a MUST TRY.  I finally had the opportunity to make them yesterday during one of Lyla's naps and they are delicious.  It was also actually my very first time making brownies from scratch (I typically take the easy way out and go for the box). Pat on the back for me!

So enough about brownies and chocolate...  I was recently speaking to a good friend of mine who also gave birth a few months ago.  She had mentioned that her little boy was fast asleep and that her mother in-law was watching him so she could run out to the super market.  I started to kind of giggle and poke fun at the fact that it is funny how a home starts to resemble a prison in the first few months of raising a child.  I was explaining to her that Lyla had been ill for a couple of weeks, so our outings were very limited. I also mentioned that the other day when we were in need of some items from the grocery store I gladly grabbed Garrett's keys and headed for the door before he could even offer to make the trip.  Don't get me wrong I love spending time with Lyla but a girl needs some fresh air.  When the only outing you have made in 2 weeks is a lovely stroll around the block...you go a little loco (that means crazy for all you non-Spanish speakers).   To top it off, my car is no longer drivable (even after spending a fortune over 6 months to fix it!) and Garrett needs his car because he has officially started coaching baseball.  This means that I have no access to a vehicle until Garrett gets home, which is typically in the late evening.  She assured me that things would get better over time and that with Spring here that the warm weather would help tremendously. In the mean time... grandmothers come in handy....

The other day my mother in-law came over to drop off some of our clean laundry.  Yes that is right...she is the best.  Since it costs us $4.00 to do laundry for a small load (that comes out damp from the dryer) Garrett's mother has been coming over to take our laundry to help us out while I am at home with the baby.  At the same time Lyla had decided to nap, so I was able to put our clothes away and clean up the apartment a bit.  My mother in-law helped out by doing some dishes (which was remarkable because doing dishes is my least favorite thing).  It is always nice to have a little help here and there.

Days prior I had mentioned that I really wanted to check out The Rugged Bear because I had heard that the store was going out of business. For those of you that don't know, The Rugged Bear is a children's clothing store.  I thought it would be a great time to maybe get Lyla some clothes for when she gets a bit bigger.   After cleaning the apartment, my mother in-law handed me her keys and suggested that I make the trip to check it out.  Score!  It would be a quicky, but at least it would get me out of the house for maybe a half hour or so. This is one item I ended up buying:

Too cute and it isn't pink!  I can't tell you how may pink clothes that Lyla owns.  The second she was born everyone started buying us pink.  I like pink, but I think colors like purple and tangerine should get the spotlight too.  I was super thankful for my mother in-law's help.  It is amazing what a little alone time can do.

Yesterday my mother and sister came over for a visit.  Again since I do not have a car, I usually end up going to the grocery store when Garrett gets home.  Since this week he is out a bit later, I wanted to have dinner ready for when he gets home (since he is typically starving by the time he walks through the door).  My mom suggested that I make Shepard's pie and came over with all the ingredients I was missing.  To top it off, she ended up making it for me.  She loves to cook!  She had to tone it down from how she typically makes it since Garrett hates onions and pretty much every vegetable imaginable. Yes, I know,  he is a dream to cook for.  It was pretty fantastic to not have to cook for a night.

It is funny because after Garrett and I were married we often went back and forth about moving closer home to our parents.  I was pretty content living 40 minutes from our parents and a half hour from the city, but Garrett really wanted to be back in suburbia.  I finally agreed because, of course, family is super important to the both of us. Now I am so very grateful.  Lyla is surrounded by people who love her, and we have help from the people who made us who we are today.  There is nothing better than that.

Growth Spurts and Tasty Chocolate

It was nice to step on the scale the first week after Lyla was born and see that I dropped 18 pounds.  I thought, "Hey if things continue like this I will be super svelte in no time." 2 weeks later and things have come to a screeching halt...only 1 pound lost.  Looking down at the scale made me feel like the contestants on the 'Biggest Loser' during a bad week.  Okay okay...it is not like I have been working out at all, but to know that I have a long road (of about 20 additional pounds) ahead of me is sort of disheartening.  To add insult to injury: there is mounds of Easter candy plaguing every pharmacy, department store, and super market where ever you go.  Did I mention that I have a super soft spot for Cadbury Mini Eggs?  Good thing that this whole operation HM starts Friday....bring on the chocolate!

Before my HM journey begins I plan on making some delicious chocolate brownies.  I have been searching the internet for a good recipe and came across this one from Barefoot Contessa. I plan on making them tonight as long as Lyla is in good spirits:

Ingredients

nocoupons

• 1 pound unsalted butter
• 1 pound plus 12 ounces semisweet chocolate chips
• 6 ounces unsweetened chocolate
• 6 extra-large eggs
• 3 tablespoons instant coffee granules
• 2 tablespoons pure vanilla extract
  
• 2 1/4 cups sugar
• 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
Butter and flour a 12 x 18 x 1-inch baking sheet.
Melt together the butter, 1 pound of chocolate chips, and the unsweetened chocolate in a medium bowl over simmering water. Allow to cool slightly. In a large bowl, stir (do not beat) together the eggs, coffee granules, vanilla, and sugar. Stir the warm chocolate mixture into the egg mixture and allow to cool to room temperature.
In a medium bowl, sift together 1 cup of flour, the baking powder, and salt. Add to the cooled chocolate mixture. Toss the 12 ounces of chocolate chips in a medium bowl with 1/4 cup of flour, then add them to the chocolate batter. Pour into the baking sheet.
Bake for 20 minutes, then rap the baking sheet against the oven shelf to force the air to escape from between the pan and the brownie dough. Bake for about 15 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean. Do not overbake! Allow to cool thoroughly, refrigerate, and cut into 20 large squares.


As we all know, chocolate is also good for feeding your moods.  When days are a little rough, popping a piece (okay pieces) of chocolate in my mouth just tastes so darn good.  And things have been a little rougher these days since Lyla is going through a growth spurt. I read somewhere that during the second, third, and sixth week of life babies go through this.  What does this mean? A fussier baby who eats a whole lot more.  As I mentioned briefly in my last post, I am breastfeeding. I decided that I would breastfeed Lyla for 3 reasons: 1) it is very nutritious and carries loads of antibodies to help lower the risk of various illnesses in both baby and mom 2) It is free...duh.  3) Instant calorie burn without breaking a sweat. The production of milk actually helps new moms burn an extra 200-600 calories per day.  The challenge?  When your baby is hungry...get ready to whip out your boobies or you better have previously pumped a supply of bottles.  I did purchase an Avent breast pump (to match my collection of Avent bottles) and love it.  I did, however, notice that after feeding Lyla a bottle she tends to get fussy because she is taking in more air which leads to more gas. To prevent this, I have only been giving her bottle when absolutely necessary since dealing with an unhappy baby is all but pleasant. I also literally feel like a cow while I pump, which always gives Garrett a good laugh (thanks honey).

It gets pretty personal whipping out your ladies every 2 hours.  Thankfully I have not been in the position where I have had to resort to doing this in public (just not my style).  I do often have to seclude myself in a private room whenever we visit my in-laws or have company over.  I have actually grown to feel pretty comfortable exposing my boob/s in front of others (as long as I know they don't care). Sadly, when your boobs have functionality they no longer carry the same 'wow' factor <sigh>.

Feeding Lyla is only half the battle these days.  Her schedule is a bit erratic so we are never quite sure what to expect.  Sleeping all day can mean she is awake for most of the night.  Some days we have a baby who cries for 2-3 hours non-stop for reasons unknown.  Some days we have a spazoid baby who wants to eat but spends countless minutes fussing before she finally decides to latch on. Some days she is just wide awake and just wants constant affection.  And some days she is just perfect.  All I can do is guess what may be wrong, and try to soothe her the best I can. The worst is when it seems like no matter what I do, I can't make her feel better. I guess that is all a part of being a mommy. You hate to see your child in distress and you hate it even more when you know there is not much you can do. You wish more than anything that you could take their pain away and you would trade places in a heartbeat.  That is the love a mother has for their child.

3 Weeks Old and 1 Week Until Operation HM

For the past 3 weeks we have been experiencing what the term 'parenting' means.  The true test began the day we took Lyla home- week #1. When we were released from the hospital on the 27th we were mixed with emotion. On one hand we were excited to take Lyla to her new home and to start our life as a family, but on the other we were pretty nervous.  In the hospital we had nurses and doctors at our finger tips to answer all of our questions and to help us care for her- but now it was up to me and Garrett. No medical school degrees under our belts and no prior children...just two everyday people.  Standing in the hallway getting ready to load Lyla into the car was sort of nerve wracking but, like with almost all challenges in life, you just need to dive in head first.  We loaded her in the car and drove home...and I am pretty sure Garrett was driving 15 mph the whole way.

Week #1 was filled with a handful of visitors, doctor's appointments, plenty of phone calls to both our mothers, one really fussy night of crying from 12 am - 4am non-stop, and one night of being pooped all over at 4 am. It was wonderful and comforting having my husband, Garrett, with me during that week.  In the wee hours of the morning running on little sleep or cleaning poop off of ourselves, we still managed to laugh and smile.  We laughed because we knew we weren't experts. We laughed because we knew that this was just the beginning. With each passing day we slowly began to figure out Lyla's cues. And at the end of each day when Lyla would fall asleep, we would lay in bed listening to the silence (since sometimes it was only temporary). Garrett often compared it to being a little kid at a sleep over waiting for someone to break out in laughter.  It was finally just the three of us in our home together as a family.

Today Lyla is 3 weeks old. The milestone for this week is 'tummy time.'  This will be the first day we will be able to put Lyla on her stomach so that she can begin to build her neck muscles.  Right now we compare her to a bobble head.  When we put her over our shoulder to burp her or soothe her, she will jerk her head from side to side or try and move her head in front of you.  The flimsiness of any newborn's neck muscles used to scare the heck out of Garrett.  He would have nightmares about holding our child for the first time.  I remember him telling me about a dream he had when I was pregnant that cracks me up. He was standing by a ledge holding a baby girl and she jerked around so much that her head fell off.  It still makes me laugh out loud to think about how petrified he was that he was having bizarre dreams.   He does a great job holding Lyla, and I love seeing them together.  She stares at his face and  gives him smiles when he kisses her cheeks or he sings "Mmmm Papa Zigaroo" (a song that his father used to sing to him and his siblings after bath time). For someone who was crossing his fingers for a boy...he is absolutely in awe of his daughter.

Lyla being 3 weeks old also means that in one week I can commence operation HM...code for Hot Mom.  Needless to say gaining weight during pregnancy, although necessary, leaves you feeling less than sexy afterward.  I will often say to my friends how funny it is that there is so much empahsis on what to expect while you are pregnant, but there is really no information on what to expect after you give birth.  I could get pretty graphic here, but I will be spare the gory details.  Instead I will tell you that a big part of the reason for feeling so 'blah' is... time.  Time is very limited.  My showers are based on when Lyla decides to nap.  I make the decision to blow dry my hair only if she has not woken up.  Since I currently don't fit into my regular jeans, I am confined to stretchy pants. My boobs have gotten so big that I do not fit into any of my cute bras (and I really don't care for under-wire since I am breastfeeding).  I look in the mirror and I am not satisfied. I always told myself that I wasn't going to let having children be an excuse for not taking care of myself.  I want to feel better than I did before I found out I was pregnant.  I want to feel sexy.  I want to feel confident.  I want to be a hot mom...is that so much to ask?

Becoming Mommy

I remember being as young as five years old playing 'house' in my basement and carrying my Cabbage Patch Doll on my hip.  I adored my own mother (and of course still do), and fell in love with the idea that one day someone would look up to me the way I did to her.  I can still remember a song I used to play for her on my tape player where the main chorus sang, "When I grow up I want to be like Mommy..." She was like Wonder Woman or She-Ra...beautiful and strong.  Imaginary play became a time where I could transform myself to be more like her.
As I grew into my teenage years, and became increasingly more boy crazy, I started thinking about what my life would be like when I had my own family.  I would close my eyes and paint a picture of the man I would fall in love with, our wedding day, and what our children would look like.  I remember saying to myself, "I wonder where my future husband is right now..." Who would have thought that he would be in the next town over and at the same school.
Flashing forward to February....I am with the man I am spending the rest of life with, we had a beautiful wedding in July 2009, and we are about to embark on parenthood.  For the past 10 months we knew this day would come. In the final months leading up to the birth of our first child, we would peek into the empty nursery, or the bassinet by our bed, and joke that our days alone together were numbered. Then at 1:07 PM on February 25th she was born.
I had known for quite some time that if we had a baby girl I would name her Lyla (and that was not up for negotiation). Ironically Lyla means 'dark haired beauty' and that is exactly what she is.  When she came into this world and was plopped onto my belly...I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't believe that I just gave birth."  Followed by, "She is mine. I am her Mommy."