A Hot Mess

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The other day I had a moment...an awakening of sorts.  Maybe it was because my hair was still damp from showering or maybe it was because I was wearing a yoga pants, a t-shirt, and flip flops (which is a common outfit for any given day). Nonetheless this moment decided to make its debut while "passing time" in TJ Maxx with my little Lyla.

Strolling through the entrance my first instinct is to always make my way to the red signs in the back...the good ol' clearance section. I always get so damn giddy when I see those clearance racks. Just call me the ultra Maxxinista. Sure, you really have to sift through countless tranny shirts and moo moo's, but in the end you may find a thing or two worth purchasing. I ended up a with couple of cardigans.  Score! No dressing room needed (and when I have Lyla in tote this is uber convenient). So, I scoped out a distant mirror and wheeled us over to a small nook away from the crowds of women digging through last season's left overs. I started to try on one of the cardigans over my t-shirt, and positioned myself in front of the long mirror. There I was...in all my glory. Then it hit me.

Who the hell was this person staring at me in the mirror?  I looked like I had just rolled out of bed, neglected to drink coffee, and had a bucket of water thrown in my face. I was a hot mess.  Suddenly I was embarrassed that I was even in public at all.  What was I thinking?  I totally understand that having a child changes things...but this...this was too much.  I was supposed to be "Bringing Sexy Back" and here I was looking like a deranged yoga instructor.  I took the cardigan off and made my way towards the exit.

I was cowering behind the shopping cart, hoping that Lyla's carrier would shield anyone from getting a good look at me.  One aisle after the other I began to notice other mothers with their children. They looked beautiful.  Dressed nicely (jeans).  Hair styled.  Make-up on.  Of course their kids were much older, but <sigh> it made me jealous.  I miss my old jeans.  I am sick of these "tweener" jeans.  The jeans you buy because you don't fit in your old ones.  Will I ever get back into the 10 pair I have hanging in my closest?  It's almost been 7 months! I have to do something about this.

I am good at setting goals for myself that always seem to fall through the cracks.  My hair and make- up...well that is an easy fix.  Getting out of yoga pants...I need dedication.  I want to be committed. So I signed myself up for the Tufts Health Plan 10K on October 10th.  It's a start.  6.2 miles is doable.  It is a long enough distance where I can get a good burn and have some time to myself. Just me and the road.  A time to listen to some good tunes and enjoy the cool fall air (although technically it is still summer).  Garrett's hours have been all over the place (sometimes not getting home until 9 PM) so I have been heading to my mother's apartment so she can watch Lyla while I head out for a run.  I have also been thinking about purchasing a used jogger but, for now, I am enjoying the solitude. I am (slowly) turning this hot mess into a hot mom.

Operation HM...I am back.  Take 2. Or is this 3?