Bringing 'Sex'y Back

Before you get hesitant to read on, please know that today's post is not and I repeat not about Garrett's and my sex life (sickos).  Today's topic is inspired by a conversation I had with one of best friends who came to visit me a couple days ago (thanks Coll).  I really wanted to bring to light a topic that can be considered taboo to discuss- sex and sexiness (although you wouldn't think it with all the reality shows on tv now).  And what is with the picture above?  That is the last time I probably felt pretty darn good about myself (as you can tell by my attempted model pose).  As for the actual act of having sex...don't worry this post isn't about giving you a tutorial on how babies are made. Instead I am just choosing to open a dialogue about sex during and post pregnancy.

Everyone's experiences regarding sex during and post pregnancy are different, but I think it is pretty safe to assume that most woman generally feel the same emotional ups and downs. Ironically the movie Knocked Up was on yesterday which got me laughing. Remember the scene where Seth Rogen's character Ben is having sex with his pregnant girlfriend Alison?  Well if not... then the gist of it is they have to stop because Ben is too concerned about poking the baby with his penis (which is of course impossible) and Alison feels uncomfortable with her new baby body. How true this phenomenon is!  Many men feel like they will hurt the baby some way during sex (and I'm sorry but any man that is that confident in the size of their member needs a reality check). Some men may also feel uncomfortable because there is now someone literally present during all the action.  Both notions crack me up. The bottom line is that these feeling puts a major damper on the mood and it certainly contributes to making a woman feel unattractive during pregnancy.  It is bad enough that being pregnant can make you feel like an elephant, but it is even worse that you get penalized for being with child.  Luckily, most couples find a way to make it work so that both parties can be pleased...because after all it is a whole 10 months of being pregnant.

Then the day comes when you finally have your bundle of joy.  It is the day you have waited so long for and the happiest time in your life....but there is a catch.  Although you are beaming with joy on the outside, behind the curtains you are left in less than perfect condition.  After delivery your stomach is flub, you may have stretch marks, you probably received stitches, and you are instructed to basically wear a diaper for the next month of your life.  For the first few days you are on cloud nine so all those things just seem to be minor details, but as time goes on it can begin to wear on you. Most women are instructed to refrain from any physical activity for 4-6 weeks which includes getting your groove on.  This time frame is usually long enough to help rid of some of these issues, but after one month of getting adjusted to parenthood (and still not being able to fit in your jeans) you may still feel all but sexy.  Can you a blame a woman?  To add to all of this, you now have a little one in the mix which means that when/where you have sex is based around their schedule. Talk about complicated! So how can you bring the spice back in your life?  This is something that has been on top of mind since my 4 week mark is today!

Feeling sexy again for me starts on working from the outside in.  For starters, I am getting myself back on an exercise regimen...hence operation Hot Mom. Today I will start the journey towards my physical transformation so that I can feel more like me again and boost my confidence.  Garrett always points out to me that I tend to prance around the house in my underwear a whole lot more when I am on some sort of exercise routine (sadly he is right).  When I exercise I feel good about myself and I am not afraid to show it.  Since we are on a tight budget, I will not be purchasing a gym membership at this time. So today I will dust off my Jillian Michaels DVDs and try to shred off some of this baby weight.  Jillian promises to see as much as a 5 pound loss in a week, but I am not being THAT optimistic.  Let's see if her work-out routine really works! I also decided that I am going to take an 8 week kick boxing class that starts at the end of April. Let the transformation begin!    Today I am roughly 22 pounds away from my goal weight (which is what I weighed in my hay day during my college years).

I am also a firm believer in pampering yourself.  Little things like getting my nails done, waxing, and getting my haircut/colored are sure ways to help me relax and make me feel pretty. I have already scheduled a manicure/pedicure for Saturday to help me unwind from being cooped up for so long.I wonder what OPI color I will choose....maybe Dutch Tulips since it is Spring :)

I know all these things will help me feel better but, of course, it isn't just all about me.  Feeling sexy (and having great sex) is also about having that passionate connection with your loved one. I can tell you that having a child as brought Garrett and I much closer together.  Our biggest challenge will be making time to have alone time together (especially since Garrett is in baseball season).  Our first date night is going to be this Saturday...a night out to dinner with just the two of us.  We aren't going far from home, but the point is that we are actually getting out for some alone time. Hey it's a start.  I know that as Lyla gets a bit older (and on more of schedule) things will get easier.  Cheers to a new phase of mommyhood!







 

Hurray For Grandmothers

Okay let me start off by saying that the brownie recipe from Barefoot Contessa that I posted in my last blog is a MUST TRY.  I finally had the opportunity to make them yesterday during one of Lyla's naps and they are delicious.  It was also actually my very first time making brownies from scratch (I typically take the easy way out and go for the box). Pat on the back for me!

So enough about brownies and chocolate...  I was recently speaking to a good friend of mine who also gave birth a few months ago.  She had mentioned that her little boy was fast asleep and that her mother in-law was watching him so she could run out to the super market.  I started to kind of giggle and poke fun at the fact that it is funny how a home starts to resemble a prison in the first few months of raising a child.  I was explaining to her that Lyla had been ill for a couple of weeks, so our outings were very limited. I also mentioned that the other day when we were in need of some items from the grocery store I gladly grabbed Garrett's keys and headed for the door before he could even offer to make the trip.  Don't get me wrong I love spending time with Lyla but a girl needs some fresh air.  When the only outing you have made in 2 weeks is a lovely stroll around the block...you go a little loco (that means crazy for all you non-Spanish speakers).   To top it off, my car is no longer drivable (even after spending a fortune over 6 months to fix it!) and Garrett needs his car because he has officially started coaching baseball.  This means that I have no access to a vehicle until Garrett gets home, which is typically in the late evening.  She assured me that things would get better over time and that with Spring here that the warm weather would help tremendously. In the mean time... grandmothers come in handy....

The other day my mother in-law came over to drop off some of our clean laundry.  Yes that is right...she is the best.  Since it costs us $4.00 to do laundry for a small load (that comes out damp from the dryer) Garrett's mother has been coming over to take our laundry to help us out while I am at home with the baby.  At the same time Lyla had decided to nap, so I was able to put our clothes away and clean up the apartment a bit.  My mother in-law helped out by doing some dishes (which was remarkable because doing dishes is my least favorite thing).  It is always nice to have a little help here and there.

Days prior I had mentioned that I really wanted to check out The Rugged Bear because I had heard that the store was going out of business. For those of you that don't know, The Rugged Bear is a children's clothing store.  I thought it would be a great time to maybe get Lyla some clothes for when she gets a bit bigger.   After cleaning the apartment, my mother in-law handed me her keys and suggested that I make the trip to check it out.  Score!  It would be a quicky, but at least it would get me out of the house for maybe a half hour or so. This is one item I ended up buying:

Too cute and it isn't pink!  I can't tell you how may pink clothes that Lyla owns.  The second she was born everyone started buying us pink.  I like pink, but I think colors like purple and tangerine should get the spotlight too.  I was super thankful for my mother in-law's help.  It is amazing what a little alone time can do.

Yesterday my mother and sister came over for a visit.  Again since I do not have a car, I usually end up going to the grocery store when Garrett gets home.  Since this week he is out a bit later, I wanted to have dinner ready for when he gets home (since he is typically starving by the time he walks through the door).  My mom suggested that I make Shepard's pie and came over with all the ingredients I was missing.  To top it off, she ended up making it for me.  She loves to cook!  She had to tone it down from how she typically makes it since Garrett hates onions and pretty much every vegetable imaginable. Yes, I know,  he is a dream to cook for.  It was pretty fantastic to not have to cook for a night.

It is funny because after Garrett and I were married we often went back and forth about moving closer home to our parents.  I was pretty content living 40 minutes from our parents and a half hour from the city, but Garrett really wanted to be back in suburbia.  I finally agreed because, of course, family is super important to the both of us. Now I am so very grateful.  Lyla is surrounded by people who love her, and we have help from the people who made us who we are today.  There is nothing better than that.

Growth Spurts and Tasty Chocolate

It was nice to step on the scale the first week after Lyla was born and see that I dropped 18 pounds.  I thought, "Hey if things continue like this I will be super svelte in no time." 2 weeks later and things have come to a screeching halt...only 1 pound lost.  Looking down at the scale made me feel like the contestants on the 'Biggest Loser' during a bad week.  Okay okay...it is not like I have been working out at all, but to know that I have a long road (of about 20 additional pounds) ahead of me is sort of disheartening.  To add insult to injury: there is mounds of Easter candy plaguing every pharmacy, department store, and super market where ever you go.  Did I mention that I have a super soft spot for Cadbury Mini Eggs?  Good thing that this whole operation HM starts Friday....bring on the chocolate!

Before my HM journey begins I plan on making some delicious chocolate brownies.  I have been searching the internet for a good recipe and came across this one from Barefoot Contessa. I plan on making them tonight as long as Lyla is in good spirits:

Ingredients

nocoupons

• 1 pound unsalted butter
• 1 pound plus 12 ounces semisweet chocolate chips
• 6 ounces unsweetened chocolate
• 6 extra-large eggs
• 3 tablespoons instant coffee granules
• 2 tablespoons pure vanilla extract
  
• 2 1/4 cups sugar
• 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1 teaspoon salt

Directions

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees.
Butter and flour a 12 x 18 x 1-inch baking sheet.
Melt together the butter, 1 pound of chocolate chips, and the unsweetened chocolate in a medium bowl over simmering water. Allow to cool slightly. In a large bowl, stir (do not beat) together the eggs, coffee granules, vanilla, and sugar. Stir the warm chocolate mixture into the egg mixture and allow to cool to room temperature.
In a medium bowl, sift together 1 cup of flour, the baking powder, and salt. Add to the cooled chocolate mixture. Toss the 12 ounces of chocolate chips in a medium bowl with 1/4 cup of flour, then add them to the chocolate batter. Pour into the baking sheet.
Bake for 20 minutes, then rap the baking sheet against the oven shelf to force the air to escape from between the pan and the brownie dough. Bake for about 15 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean. Do not overbake! Allow to cool thoroughly, refrigerate, and cut into 20 large squares.


As we all know, chocolate is also good for feeding your moods.  When days are a little rough, popping a piece (okay pieces) of chocolate in my mouth just tastes so darn good.  And things have been a little rougher these days since Lyla is going through a growth spurt. I read somewhere that during the second, third, and sixth week of life babies go through this.  What does this mean? A fussier baby who eats a whole lot more.  As I mentioned briefly in my last post, I am breastfeeding. I decided that I would breastfeed Lyla for 3 reasons: 1) it is very nutritious and carries loads of antibodies to help lower the risk of various illnesses in both baby and mom 2) It is free...duh.  3) Instant calorie burn without breaking a sweat. The production of milk actually helps new moms burn an extra 200-600 calories per day.  The challenge?  When your baby is hungry...get ready to whip out your boobies or you better have previously pumped a supply of bottles.  I did purchase an Avent breast pump (to match my collection of Avent bottles) and love it.  I did, however, notice that after feeding Lyla a bottle she tends to get fussy because she is taking in more air which leads to more gas. To prevent this, I have only been giving her bottle when absolutely necessary since dealing with an unhappy baby is all but pleasant. I also literally feel like a cow while I pump, which always gives Garrett a good laugh (thanks honey).

It gets pretty personal whipping out your ladies every 2 hours.  Thankfully I have not been in the position where I have had to resort to doing this in public (just not my style).  I do often have to seclude myself in a private room whenever we visit my in-laws or have company over.  I have actually grown to feel pretty comfortable exposing my boob/s in front of others (as long as I know they don't care). Sadly, when your boobs have functionality they no longer carry the same 'wow' factor <sigh>.

Feeding Lyla is only half the battle these days.  Her schedule is a bit erratic so we are never quite sure what to expect.  Sleeping all day can mean she is awake for most of the night.  Some days we have a baby who cries for 2-3 hours non-stop for reasons unknown.  Some days we have a spazoid baby who wants to eat but spends countless minutes fussing before she finally decides to latch on. Some days she is just wide awake and just wants constant affection.  And some days she is just perfect.  All I can do is guess what may be wrong, and try to soothe her the best I can. The worst is when it seems like no matter what I do, I can't make her feel better. I guess that is all a part of being a mommy. You hate to see your child in distress and you hate it even more when you know there is not much you can do. You wish more than anything that you could take their pain away and you would trade places in a heartbeat.  That is the love a mother has for their child.

3 Weeks Old and 1 Week Until Operation HM

For the past 3 weeks we have been experiencing what the term 'parenting' means.  The true test began the day we took Lyla home- week #1. When we were released from the hospital on the 27th we were mixed with emotion. On one hand we were excited to take Lyla to her new home and to start our life as a family, but on the other we were pretty nervous.  In the hospital we had nurses and doctors at our finger tips to answer all of our questions and to help us care for her- but now it was up to me and Garrett. No medical school degrees under our belts and no prior children...just two everyday people.  Standing in the hallway getting ready to load Lyla into the car was sort of nerve wracking but, like with almost all challenges in life, you just need to dive in head first.  We loaded her in the car and drove home...and I am pretty sure Garrett was driving 15 mph the whole way.

Week #1 was filled with a handful of visitors, doctor's appointments, plenty of phone calls to both our mothers, one really fussy night of crying from 12 am - 4am non-stop, and one night of being pooped all over at 4 am. It was wonderful and comforting having my husband, Garrett, with me during that week.  In the wee hours of the morning running on little sleep or cleaning poop off of ourselves, we still managed to laugh and smile.  We laughed because we knew we weren't experts. We laughed because we knew that this was just the beginning. With each passing day we slowly began to figure out Lyla's cues. And at the end of each day when Lyla would fall asleep, we would lay in bed listening to the silence (since sometimes it was only temporary). Garrett often compared it to being a little kid at a sleep over waiting for someone to break out in laughter.  It was finally just the three of us in our home together as a family.

Today Lyla is 3 weeks old. The milestone for this week is 'tummy time.'  This will be the first day we will be able to put Lyla on her stomach so that she can begin to build her neck muscles.  Right now we compare her to a bobble head.  When we put her over our shoulder to burp her or soothe her, she will jerk her head from side to side or try and move her head in front of you.  The flimsiness of any newborn's neck muscles used to scare the heck out of Garrett.  He would have nightmares about holding our child for the first time.  I remember him telling me about a dream he had when I was pregnant that cracks me up. He was standing by a ledge holding a baby girl and she jerked around so much that her head fell off.  It still makes me laugh out loud to think about how petrified he was that he was having bizarre dreams.   He does a great job holding Lyla, and I love seeing them together.  She stares at his face and  gives him smiles when he kisses her cheeks or he sings "Mmmm Papa Zigaroo" (a song that his father used to sing to him and his siblings after bath time). For someone who was crossing his fingers for a boy...he is absolutely in awe of his daughter.

Lyla being 3 weeks old also means that in one week I can commence operation HM...code for Hot Mom.  Needless to say gaining weight during pregnancy, although necessary, leaves you feeling less than sexy afterward.  I will often say to my friends how funny it is that there is so much empahsis on what to expect while you are pregnant, but there is really no information on what to expect after you give birth.  I could get pretty graphic here, but I will be spare the gory details.  Instead I will tell you that a big part of the reason for feeling so 'blah' is... time.  Time is very limited.  My showers are based on when Lyla decides to nap.  I make the decision to blow dry my hair only if she has not woken up.  Since I currently don't fit into my regular jeans, I am confined to stretchy pants. My boobs have gotten so big that I do not fit into any of my cute bras (and I really don't care for under-wire since I am breastfeeding).  I look in the mirror and I am not satisfied. I always told myself that I wasn't going to let having children be an excuse for not taking care of myself.  I want to feel better than I did before I found out I was pregnant.  I want to feel sexy.  I want to feel confident.  I want to be a hot mom...is that so much to ask?

Becoming Mommy

I remember being as young as five years old playing 'house' in my basement and carrying my Cabbage Patch Doll on my hip.  I adored my own mother (and of course still do), and fell in love with the idea that one day someone would look up to me the way I did to her.  I can still remember a song I used to play for her on my tape player where the main chorus sang, "When I grow up I want to be like Mommy..." She was like Wonder Woman or She-Ra...beautiful and strong.  Imaginary play became a time where I could transform myself to be more like her.
As I grew into my teenage years, and became increasingly more boy crazy, I started thinking about what my life would be like when I had my own family.  I would close my eyes and paint a picture of the man I would fall in love with, our wedding day, and what our children would look like.  I remember saying to myself, "I wonder where my future husband is right now..." Who would have thought that he would be in the next town over and at the same school.
Flashing forward to February....I am with the man I am spending the rest of life with, we had a beautiful wedding in July 2009, and we are about to embark on parenthood.  For the past 10 months we knew this day would come. In the final months leading up to the birth of our first child, we would peek into the empty nursery, or the bassinet by our bed, and joke that our days alone together were numbered. Then at 1:07 PM on February 25th she was born.
I had known for quite some time that if we had a baby girl I would name her Lyla (and that was not up for negotiation). Ironically Lyla means 'dark haired beauty' and that is exactly what she is.  When she came into this world and was plopped onto my belly...I thought to myself, "Wow, I can't believe that I just gave birth."  Followed by, "She is mine. I am her Mommy."