3 Weeks Old and 1 Week Until Operation HM

For the past 3 weeks we have been experiencing what the term 'parenting' means.  The true test began the day we took Lyla home- week #1. When we were released from the hospital on the 27th we were mixed with emotion. On one hand we were excited to take Lyla to her new home and to start our life as a family, but on the other we were pretty nervous.  In the hospital we had nurses and doctors at our finger tips to answer all of our questions and to help us care for her- but now it was up to me and Garrett. No medical school degrees under our belts and no prior children...just two everyday people.  Standing in the hallway getting ready to load Lyla into the car was sort of nerve wracking but, like with almost all challenges in life, you just need to dive in head first.  We loaded her in the car and drove home...and I am pretty sure Garrett was driving 15 mph the whole way.

Week #1 was filled with a handful of visitors, doctor's appointments, plenty of phone calls to both our mothers, one really fussy night of crying from 12 am - 4am non-stop, and one night of being pooped all over at 4 am. It was wonderful and comforting having my husband, Garrett, with me during that week.  In the wee hours of the morning running on little sleep or cleaning poop off of ourselves, we still managed to laugh and smile.  We laughed because we knew we weren't experts. We laughed because we knew that this was just the beginning. With each passing day we slowly began to figure out Lyla's cues. And at the end of each day when Lyla would fall asleep, we would lay in bed listening to the silence (since sometimes it was only temporary). Garrett often compared it to being a little kid at a sleep over waiting for someone to break out in laughter.  It was finally just the three of us in our home together as a family.

Today Lyla is 3 weeks old. The milestone for this week is 'tummy time.'  This will be the first day we will be able to put Lyla on her stomach so that she can begin to build her neck muscles.  Right now we compare her to a bobble head.  When we put her over our shoulder to burp her or soothe her, she will jerk her head from side to side or try and move her head in front of you.  The flimsiness of any newborn's neck muscles used to scare the heck out of Garrett.  He would have nightmares about holding our child for the first time.  I remember him telling me about a dream he had when I was pregnant that cracks me up. He was standing by a ledge holding a baby girl and she jerked around so much that her head fell off.  It still makes me laugh out loud to think about how petrified he was that he was having bizarre dreams.   He does a great job holding Lyla, and I love seeing them together.  She stares at his face and  gives him smiles when he kisses her cheeks or he sings "Mmmm Papa Zigaroo" (a song that his father used to sing to him and his siblings after bath time). For someone who was crossing his fingers for a boy...he is absolutely in awe of his daughter.

Lyla being 3 weeks old also means that in one week I can commence operation HM...code for Hot Mom.  Needless to say gaining weight during pregnancy, although necessary, leaves you feeling less than sexy afterward.  I will often say to my friends how funny it is that there is so much empahsis on what to expect while you are pregnant, but there is really no information on what to expect after you give birth.  I could get pretty graphic here, but I will be spare the gory details.  Instead I will tell you that a big part of the reason for feeling so 'blah' is... time.  Time is very limited.  My showers are based on when Lyla decides to nap.  I make the decision to blow dry my hair only if she has not woken up.  Since I currently don't fit into my regular jeans, I am confined to stretchy pants. My boobs have gotten so big that I do not fit into any of my cute bras (and I really don't care for under-wire since I am breastfeeding).  I look in the mirror and I am not satisfied. I always told myself that I wasn't going to let having children be an excuse for not taking care of myself.  I want to feel better than I did before I found out I was pregnant.  I want to feel sexy.  I want to feel confident.  I want to be a hot mom...is that so much to ask?