When I grow up I want to be...oh wait is it too late for that?

After having Lyla I made a bold decision to leave my job.  It was one of the hardest descisions I ever had to make.  My biggest fear was the uncertainty of it all....financially (of course) and what this would mean for my career path down the road.  I knew I had to take a chance though.  Mostly because my job was not your average 9-5 and that would mean more time at the office and less time with my daughter.  I couldn't make that kind of sacrifice, and I am so happy that I didn't.  You can never rewind time, and I am thankful for every minute I have with my daughter.  Even if the uncertainty is still a bit scary.

Now I am in the process of figuring out what the hell I want to do with my life. One of the greatest things that not having a job has done for me is I have been really forced to review my career path. For a long time I have had that irking feeling that my college degree was a mistake and have been suffering with the whole "had I known then what I know now..." Alas we can not rewind time. Now that I am on the verge of 30 I constantly go back and forth in mind about tackling a career change. There are so many things to consider: Do I pile additional debt on top of my (ridiculous) existing student loans? Am I too old? Is this the right time?  There are too many things to consider, especially in this economy.  Not to mention that even if I did make a career change, it wouldn't guarantee me a job afterward.  Damn.


I found myself retreating from it all: job searching on the internet and applying for ho hum jobs that I wasn't even excited about.  This caused a showdown between me and my husband.  "What is important to you?" he kept repeating. I had been asking myself that same very question.  When I was in my college years I had always imagined myself as a career woman who would make her way up the corporate ladder.  That image is still burned in my brain.  Was I stuck on this because it was a goal that I never achieved?  Or was this something that I really wanted? Or was I just stuck on the money aspect?  Ahhhhhh. So we sat down and made a list.  A list of all the things that are important to me in life.... and it kept coming down to one key thing: happiness.  I need to do what is going to make me happy. How can an idea that seems so simple be so complicated in so many ways?

There was a quote that I recently came across that I liked, "Remember that happiness is a way of travel — not a destination."  I'm packing my bags (well metaphorically speaking).